You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
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I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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