Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
