she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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