She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
