Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
