I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
