I smell stomach acid.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
