What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
no, he came in my armpit
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize