and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
