You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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