when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I think i got beer on your cat.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
