I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
