why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
