I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
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