Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The uberlube is also flammable
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
