I'm really into asian looking animals
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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