Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
