Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
