lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Randomize
