dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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