i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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