The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
