so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
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Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
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One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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