I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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