shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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