I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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