..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Pants are for mortals
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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