Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
