Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
