somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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