im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
