I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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