He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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