The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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