Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
