So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
