Banned from zoo.
Again?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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