I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
