There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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