Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
