Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
