how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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