So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
