I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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