dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
