she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I wish you could order shots online.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have aggressive nipples.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
