marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
