it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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