I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
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Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
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Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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