I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
