Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
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We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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