I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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