imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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