She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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