I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
