Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
