I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
