just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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