I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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