yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
