I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Randomize
