were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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