Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
