White coat. Heels.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize