Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
