Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
