Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
