I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
