I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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