The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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