Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize