I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
