I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
