Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
