you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
