1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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