I haven't been this sober since birth.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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