Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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