erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
