so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
