I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Randomize
