Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
