I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
