I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
