I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
