just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
