You made me cry and you don't even care
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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