I murdered the dance floor call the cops
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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